


Kitchen Fork

by PeopleOfThePit



Category: In a Heartbeat (Short Film)
Genre: (I'm sorry if that's not the right term but that's the closest tag I can find), Child Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jonathan's father was a dick, M/M, Murder-Suicide, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, gun use, my boi, unintentional murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 11:39:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16973916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeopleOfThePit/pseuds/PeopleOfThePit
Summary: Before Sherwin, Jonathan has only dated girls as he was afraid of what might happen if one finds out his other preferences. The girls whom  he dated where nice and they came and went, breakups were a normal thing after all and they were understanding went smoothly...Except for one





	Kitchen Fork

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone's own mental health please read the tags for good measure thank you.
> 
> Written by Birb

Jonathan has been in many relationships, all female, but that didn't mean he had to the to urge to date a boy like himself before. But fear always held him back; the fear of either being rejected, or being exposed for his preference right after he confesses. So he dated a few girls, he wasn't picky but he had some sort of standards for appearance and personality wise, but other than that he didn't care. The thing is that these relationships only lasted for a few weeks, a month or two if he's lucky. No, it's not because he or the other girl cheated, or they fought a lot, or just didn't click, far from it.

It's just Jonathan's previous girlfriends cut him off when he spirals out of control.

When Jonathan gets a crush it's ugly. While Jonathan never crossed the line by stalking or acting creepy from a distance or upfront, the things he does for them or to other people who hurt them are well… Borderline insane, if he had to put it. Ok scratch the “crushing” actually, Jonathan skips that and immediately falls in love at first sight to the point of obsession. But what has he done to scare them? Nothing really, Jonathan never shows his true colours but he sure as hell shows his love for them. Kissing, cuddling, gifts, poems all of that jazz, It's just Jonathan never tones it down, public or private. 

By no means that Jonathan makes the relationship toxic, he let's all his previous girlfriends make their own decisions, he stops when he's told to, he never hits or manipulates them in any way, gives them space, lets them hang out with others, respects boundaries, the relationships are healthy, Jonathan's just very over-affectionate. 

The reason his previous girlfriends breakup with him is that he's just “too much to handle”, overwhelmed by the amount of affection to put it. Jonathan doesn't reason with them or complain, he lets them go, sucks it up, and moves on. He's even gotten a reputation for being over-affectionate, not necessarily a warning but just a thing that's noted to any girl who manages to get together with him. Remember the comment of the borderline insane things he does to whoever hurts his previous girlfriends?

Yea Jonathan doesn't fuck around, ever.

One of his girlfriends was once labelled and rumoured as the “school slut” for a short while even when she clearly wasn't a slut at all, far from it. It was certainly easy to figure out who started the rumours, it was one of the girlfriend's ex-boyfriends. Well, Jonathan turned the guy's reputation and the rumours into literal dust by beating the literal shit out of him and spreading rumours that are worse which even he doesn't want to repeat, along with backed up “evidence” that's totally real to sell the whole thing off.

While Jonathan has fought other people and won with looking untouched in the process, he's done worse and got away with it. But when he does fight and fuck them up, he always makes sure it's public and it's clear the other person lit and fueled the fire and not the other way around. Jonathan's still careful to not ruin his reputation in case if the person twists the story around. But while Jonathan is lovey-dovey with his previous girlfriends, sometimes he too realizes he's starting to cross the line and ends the relationship for the girl's sake and his. But he's on good terms with all of them, some acquaintances some just a small wave in the hallway.

The breakups were quick short and understanding, except for one.

Her name was Becka, shortish black hair and eyes, pale skin, and a permanent somewhat tired look to her eyes which Jonathan back then thought was cute. And no, she didn't treat Jonathan like garbage, and no Jonathan didn't do the same, they just broke up for a much different reason than Jonathan's other girlfriends, Jonathan's surprised Becka hasn't told a soul yet. It was Sunday when it happened,and it happened suddenly. But how would Jonathan suppose to know that temporary taking his shirt off would cause him to be forced to break up with his last girlfriend ever for her own safety?

It was Sunday, Jonathan's muscles ached as he hauled a sports bag containing his gear for baseball. His coach was not kind on him for training him at practice. But hey when do they lay off on him? Jonathan knows the answer, it's all over his body, after all, defines where he stands in society after all. Jonathan turned the corner on the sidewalk to see Becka's house in the distance as the boy felt some weight lift off his shoulders as the next minute went by quickly as he knocked on the wood-carven door. 

It took a moment, but Jonathan was soon met with Becka's black eyes as both kids smiled as they hugged.

“You smell”

“No kidding Beck”

Becka snorted as Jonathan pulled away from the hug for a moment to give a few tiny kisses on Becka's face before Becka giggled for a moment before she pulled away from the hug fully, giving Jonathan a pat on the back.

“Take a shower alright Jon?”

Jonathan hesitated on the offer for a moment

“You sure? I mean I don't want to mess anyth-”

“Jonny it's fine just, don't use all the shampoo ok?”

“I- alright thanks”

“Anytime!”

“Becka walked off as so did Jonathan as he placed his bag neatly beside the door before unzipping it and grabbing his spare clothes, soon heading upstairs, his hand smoothly moving across the wooden railing. Becka's house was nice, not as expensive or rich looking at Thomas's but middle class, simple yet comfy if Jonathan has to put Beck's house into words.

Jonathan reached the top of the stairs as he ran his fingers through his hair for a moment before taking a couple of steps and opening the second door to his right as he was presented with a standard bathroom as Jonathan closed the door behind him, not trying on the light as a window to the side provided enough natural light for him to see.

Jonathan deflated his chest as he wasted no time peeling off his jersey from his body, it was starting to stick to him from the sweat anyway.  
-

Jonathan dried his hair with one of the white towels when he heard a knock on the door, Jonathan smiled a little bit knowing exactly who it was.

“If you don't mind seeing me without my shirt you can open the door”

“Yea I don't mind at all”

Becka opened the door and sat against the nearest wall as Jonathan put his towel aside and sat down beside her.

“Here.”

Becka haded Jonathan a granola bar as Jonathan gladly accepted the gesture and thanked Becka as started opening the wrapper, Becka had one for herself as they both ate in silence for a moment before Becka swallowed her food and turned to Jonathan.

“How was practice?”

Jonathan put a finger up as he too swallows this food before speaking

“Ah well, tiring as always”

“Geez, when will they lay off you?”

“When I leave the team or when I'm deemed worthy to them”

“But you're like the top player on your team”

“Not in their eyes, and we both know the reason”

“Yep”

Becka's “P” ended with a pop as her expression turned to annoyance and a little bit of anger.

“Still bullcrap though”

“No kidding, but hey it's over now and we can enjoy our food in peace”

“Ah, Touché”

Jonathan and Becka tapped their granola bars together like their clinking wine glasses for a toast as they both enjoyed their snacks. Everything was going great, fantastic even, fantastic until Becka spoke up once again, asking a question that was so normal yet was the doom of their relationship.

“Aren't you gonna get your shirt?”

“Ah right, I think I’m dry enough anyways”

Jonathan got up from his spot as he stretched his arms out, walking over to his spare shirt as he grabbed his shirt, turning around to talk to Beka but froze as her expression was torn of fear and concern, Jonathan furrowed his brows in confusion as Becka just stared wide-eyed as she slowly stood up.”

“...A-Are you alright?”

“What… W-What happened to your back?”

Jonathan froze up as he instinctively rubbed the back on his neck as his eyes darkened to an empty look. His fingers traced along the uneven patches of skin.

Scars

Scars from the buckle of his father's belt, scars that only happened when his father drank liquor like water, that happened when Jonathan dared to complain, dared to go against his father's wishes, dared to gather the courage to ask what he’d done to deserve the punishment. 

Jonathan never got a clear answer.   
He doesn't remember much else of what he was yelled at those night, but the sensation of his back burning like hellfire, from himself biting his hand to muffle the yells, as he jerked to soon feel warm thick blood dripping down his face as the result of a belt buckle smashing into his forehead. It was a memory that haunts Jonathan whenever he lifted his hair up and looked into the mirror.

 

When Jonathan look further back, he remembered school teachers and church members witnessing him falling asleep out of sheer exhaustion and unable to sit down, due to searing burns brought on by punishments from leather belts, hangers, wires and flyswatters the previous nights, law officials were often called in. Women would come into the school to watch him undress, gasp at the marks, and then listen to his story. Jonathan learned after a few "meetings" with his father that these well-intentioned men and women were excellent in coming in and repeating everything he had told them in confidence, but "protecting Jonathan" was a whole area of what they lacked in. Keeping his mouth shut and white lying about his wounds became his new specialty, one of the reasons he's mastered lying when it called for it. When his father left marks on his lower legs and arms by accident, he simply would cover them up in jeans and long-sleeved shirts, well until they faded enough as Jonathan sucked it up and rolled up his sleeves when he entered Seventh-Grade. 

His father called that loyalty and love. He called it survival. "You know I'm sorry soldier" his father would say the day after, handing him a present of some kind. "I'm trying to get better, I am getting better, alright?" he would say. Jonathan would simply nod his head and be on his way, no complaints, no nothing. This was the man in a drunken tantrum who smashed Jonathan's guinea pig against the wall and killed it in front of him when he forgot to put the clothes in the dryer. 

There was no room for error anymore.

And thus his mask was born,the perfect child mask Jonathan called it, respected everyone, straight A’s,good behavior, just perfect. But even though if Jonathan's mask has changed over the years, he still holds his mask strong. Jonathan traced over a circle that turned into a streak from the accident of a cigar that he decided to not to revisit in his mind. But that's all over now, his father is dead, and he killed him by the hand of a gun at the age of eight, his naive mind not realising the game that involved the pistol was fueled by suicidal tendencies, but the blood was on Jonathan's hands now, staining them of sin that will never wash off, even if the dried liquid went down the drain of the shower many years ago.

 

“...I-I uh…”

Jonathan had to think of something to say, he was forced to think fast to even survive a day beside him. Though that skill has dulled a bit over the years also, whenever he denies it or not,and suddenly just like that, he had an excuse that was his ticket out of this situation.

“Heh well uh, well my dad did this-”

“Your dad?”

...fuckkkkkkk. Fuck. How stupid does he have to be honestly?! Well he was stupid enough to say something that was not what his mind planned to say at all as Becka stared wide-eyed in what like seemed fear Jonathan assumed, as he desperately did his best to correct his slip of the tongue, forcing his shoulders to straighten his posture and stay calm than slouch and cower in fear.

“No no I didn't meant my dad well- I mean he did but I deserved it to say the least because of, w-well I uh I mean its normal for a parent to punish their kids of how they see fit and I simply got the rougher treatment so, yea”

Jonathan forced a smile like he was brushing this subject off like it was nothing, which it was, nothing,not a big deal, kids get punished all the time for misbehaving. Kids get slapped across the face by their parents for misbehaving, And Jonathan was a bad seed, or a problem child at best for how rough his father was with him and Roman,but that's over now. He can move on because that was normal, he wouldn't have checked up on his dad that fateful day if he had not loved him anymore.

Becka stood there for a moment before slowly reaching her hands out to grab Jonathan hands as she held a loose grip on them,for a moment, Jonathan took this to be a test to see how long he can keep his mask up before it cracked, before snapping out of that thought soon after.

“Jonathan I…” Becka seemed to be lost for words in the moment as Jonathan felt confused, but didn't move until he thought it was safe “Jon I-Im so sorry your dad treated you like this I just-”

“Hey hey Beck it's alright” 

Jonathan pulled his hands away as he swore he felt the sweat dripping down his fingers. 

“They was punishments for my misbehavior, I mean I-I don't know how roughy your parents punish you for misbehaving at all but I just got it rougher!”

Becka stared for a moment as the gears turned in her head like she was playing something out in her head before she gave Jonathan a calm look yet with no smile.

”Jon just, sit down will you?”

Jonathan wanted to refuse and run upstairs to his room and hide but couldn't, he's already upstairs, he's already crossed the line, and he's mature enough since then, but him still having the instinct of childish habits says otherwise. But Jonathan sat down,acting like this was normal as that day with the gun passed through his mind again as he turned to Becka, still holding the fake smile. Becka opened her mouth for a second before closing it as if she was contemplating on her words, but she soon spoke again.

“Jonathan”

“Yea?”

“Y-You said that...That you don't know how roughy my parents punish me for misbehaving, and that your dad was just-... Just rougher with you, right?”

Jonathan gave a noise of approval as he wanted to answer these questions as quickly as he can to get this over with and go home.

“A-And...And you think that, everyone is “punished” just the way you were?”

“Yea.”

Becka paused as the tired look in her eyes seemed to increase as she looked away in what looked like disappointment as she looked Jonathan straight in the eyes her expression seeming like she was on the verge of tears.

“J-Jon your….Your dad abused you-”

“Wha- no! He punished me not abused me he-”

“Jon, I don't know what he did to you to make you think, that this is normal but...It's not, you dad abused you-no, tortured you basically Jon, this isn't normal.”

Jonathan stared at Becka dumbfounded like she said it was possible to taste numbers, it was stupid, so fucking studio, stupid enough to be funny even, to laugh at even, and Jonathan did just that, he laughed, his laughing increased over the few seconds as he had to double over at one point. This was so, stupid, ignorant, dumb, punishments happen when a child disobeys and needs to be taught a lesson, abuse is when a child is treated to any type of violence regularly with no explanation. Jonathan was punished every time he misbehaves, abuse is when the parent hits their kid whenever they damn well please.

“Hahahaaaa no he fucking didn't”

Jonathan abruptly stopped laughing as he turned to Becka with a empty look, Becka almost looked offended but Jonathan didn't care. He kept talking.

“Abuse is when a parent hits their kid whenever they want without a reason why, punishments happen when a parent disciplines their kid for misbehavior. There's a difference-”

“No Jonathan no!!”

Jonathan visibilly flinched as Becka suddenly stood up. If Jonathan played the last few seconds back in his head he could pinpoint the moment when his girlfriend snapped.

“Your dad abused you! Hurted you for his own damn enjoyment!”

“Becka-”

“Don't you dare start like its not a big deal, because it is Jon! You,don't,see this, as abuse! You still think its not abuse-”

“AND WHAT'S THE PROBLEM HUH?! IT'S OVER NOW!”

Jonathan soon to cracked as he stood up, Becka does not seemed to be passed by Jonathans drastic change of volume 

“The problem is that you don't recognize that as abuse!”

“SO WHAT?!”

“Jonathan that's not healthy!!”

“God just fucking DROP IT BECKA!”

“NO!”

Jonathan didn't mean to slap her, or to better word it it punch her in the side of her jaw, he really didn't mean to, he truly didn't. Becka took a couple steps back from the sheer force as the blow as she held her jaw, fear,hurt and betrayal clear in her eyes as Jonathan realised the weight of what he's done.

“I- I didn't...I didn’t mean to..B-Becka I-”

The look Becka had on her face as she looked at the ground was enough to cut Jonathan off on his own. A few teartracks slid down her cheeks as her eyes were blank and half lidded. Jonathan's eyes saw past the veil now as his eyes seemed to loose all forum of life in them.

“...Becka we're, we're done...I don't trust myself anymore.”

“Jon-”

”Becka please...”

Jonathan's voice were almost as quiet as Becka's as he soon felt tears forming as he did his best to blink them away.

“I can't, fucking trust myself anymore now, y-you don't deserve to be punished y-you did nothing wrong you...I just..I don't want this to turn like how my mom and dad were do you understand that Beck?”

Becka seemed like she did as he arrived to hold back every sniffle and sob back the best she could.

“I'm terrified of any of my relationships turning into theirs Becka, s-so I try to drown that fear in k-kisses, hugs, over-affection s-so I can forget how love was treated under his roof of the house. W-Why do you think they mostly last a few fucking weeks Becka,I don't know limits, I wasn't taught limits I was taught errors and perfection,I don't know what love is supposed to feel like, I still fully don't fucking know how it's supposed to feel like Becka!”

Becka had her hands in her face as she was beginning to cry at this point.

 

“And the worst part is...The worst part is that, I felt that I knew what love was supposed to feel like with you, b-but I-”

Jonathan had to pause to sallow the whimpers that threatened to come out of his throat.

“I just, can't see this as love anymore, if we stay together. I-I don't want to apologize to only then punish you again the day after until it escalates. So Becka please, for fucks sake let me pack my things and leave, for your own goddamn safety and mine.”

Despite Jonathan's efforts tears spilled onto the floor as Becka looked up to him. Jonathan was ready for hear to slap him, to tell at him, to punish him like how it's always been, or maybe even be let off the hook for the day and be punished tomorrow.

Becka hugged Jonathan, it was a gentle hug that was the represented calmness and emotions.

“Well tell them we both lost interest if anyone asks, I won't tell them anything else…”

Jonathan stared into space but loosely wrapped his arms around Becka's body.Jonathan let out a shaky breath as he knew it was for the best.

“Alright…”

That was almost a year ago, and after three months of being apart from Becka Jonathan found somebody new, and he was a boy,and his name was Sherwin Payne.

Sherwin was different though…

Six months strong and Jonathan manages to fight back and contain his habit like affection just enough so it won't be overwhelming for Sherwin. But when Jonathan does slip, Sherwin doesn't mind one bit, he's very flustered when it happens but he enjoys it still. A thing that separated him from the rest of Jonathans previous girlfriend's… Jonathan also felt love, true love, Becka was one of the few girls where Jonathan thought he truly knew of what the full potential of love was,but Sherwin...Sherwin showed him everything of what love truly was. And Even if Jonathan had ruined reputations beyond repair and gotten into fights for Sherwin, Jonathan feels like he and Sherwin will be together for a long time. Jonathan's only hope is that he will never end up like his father, and treat Sherwin the same way his father treated his mother back then.

Jonathan prays he won't fuck it up this time…

**Author's Note:**

> Hhhh this is the first iahb fic I'm posting on hear but many more fics are on the way.
> 
> I would also accept criticism to improve my writing in the future, in my opinion I wish I made Jonathan's transition for when he's yelling at Becka be more smoothly but that's about it.
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed this fic and another fic that will go into more depth on Jonathan's childhood will be posted on hear today or tomorrow so be excited for that if you like this for.
> 
> Thanks for reading! ^^


End file.
